So…Wow…I have gotten quite a few responses from my last posting. Apparently, it struck a chord with some. That is why I do this blog. To make people think. You’ve seen some of the responses if you are on facebook, but some of them you haven’t since they were messaged to me privately. I will, of course, keep those things private-ALWAYS. I will put it out there that it sounds like we for sure need to have some more dialogue on this topic of relationships, both dating and friendships, and how they play out especially when it comes to those with the opposite sex.
I am the first person to say that there are lines and boundaries that should not be crossed in any relationship, but especially in those with the opposite sex. I mean, your heart has to be in the right place when making these friendships. No one can make that choice for you though except you. For example, there are those of us (and I say “us” because I happen to know this is something I excel at and have to be very careful not to put into action) that are very good at getting what we want..You can call us charmers, dynamic, whatever…but aren’t those just really pretty words for what it can ultimately come down to…manipulation. Ladies, you know what to wear, what to say, what to do, to get a guy to do whatever you want. Let’s just lay it all out on the line here, really. No games right now. Some of you are sitting there thinking, “there are games we play???” If you are thinking that, you don’t need to worry about the manipulation thing, except that it might have happened to you in the past. 🙂 Guys, you know the exact same things on how to make a gal melt. Both of us know our intentions when entering any type of relationship. I think one of the biggest questions you need to ask yourself…Is your heart pure? Are your intentions right? You can say all the time, til your blue in the face (I love that line), that you just are interested in a totally platonic friendship with this person, but only you know your heart and real intentions. If you are saying, “I’m only interested in this as a friendship…” but then think “but if it turns into something more then I wouldn’t complain…”, you aren’t being one hundred percent honest. AND that is what is important, realness, honesty, rawness… Is it scary to be real and honest and raw and…the V word…vulnerable? Of course it is! But that being said, once you get over the initial fear and take a step out into the life of the “real”, you realize there is way less work that way. Not so much pretending you’re something you aren’t… sure the thoughts will be there…”Will they accept me for who I really am?” “Will I ever find someone to marry if I don’t play the game all the time?” ETC…ETC…
Listen, I was the queen of the game. I know it’s hard to believe now when you look at me and see this crazy 33 year old women who is working on her 10th year of marriage, has 3 kids and pretty much screams baseball mom (We don’t do soccer…), but before God was really a priority for me, there were only 2 things that were important to me. Music and Men. I know…some of you are shocked and can’t believe I say some of the things I do out loud. I actually think that’s funny… I’m not proud of the way I use to string guys along but I will not forget who I was before Christ either. If I pretend I was never what I was, then He gets no glory for changing me, and He should get all of the glory!! You know who you really are on the inside. You know if you are a Stringer Alonger, a Manipulator, a Walker in Fear, whatever. You and God know your innermost thoughts and reasonings and so on. I just want you to take a real hard look at yourself and really take inventory of what/who you are and what games you might play in your life. When I started to say to God, “Work on ALL of the parts of me Lord. The parts that are easy and the parts that are REALLY painful…” That is when I wasn’t as scared to be real with others.
Ummm…I think I just got off on a tangent so I will apologize for that and sum up. 😉 Is it okay to have friendships with those of the opposite sex? YES! No one is trying to tell you not to have those friendships. What is being said though is to make sure to have boundaries in place and guard your heart. Does guarding your heart mean having a 10 foot high wall up and never letting anyone see the real you? NO! Is it okay to ask someone you admire (wow that sounds old fashioned, doesn’t it?) or think you might be in major like with out on a date? Yes! No one is saying that dating is bad. It’s not the going on a date that worries those people in your life that love you and want the best for you. It’s what you might do on that date, even with your words and not just your actions, that worries them. Own up to who you are…and then ask and let God have a go at changing those parts that need to be changed. Make yourself aware of who you are and who you want to be in Christ. Seriously, it changes everything. Don’t believe it? Look at me…the woman who never wanted a commitment…who never thought she would have kiddos…who only cared about a career and what it took to get there…she’s now a different kind of woman. To God be the Glory!!