Okay, so I have been listening to the comments and critiques left on my last post. I am taking them all into consideration and have made a few changes to simplify the dialogue and voice some. Bella is 8 just for an fyi. Early Readers does not stand for 3-5 year olds in case you are wondering. It is more for 5-8 year olds. Board books and picture books is the term for those itty bitties. 🙂 I think this is kind of confusing personally, which is why I add it in here. Examples of an Early Reader Picture book would be SkippyJon or Fancy Nancy…The Kissing Hand, etc. Picture Book examples would be Dinosaurs Count to Ten, Dinosaurs Roar, etc. We have a lot of dinosaur books in my house with all boys! 🙂 Anyway, I digress a bit. Taking all of the comments into consideration…I have gone back through the entire manuscript and simplified some. I actually ended up chopping 100 words, which isn’t a lot if you’re writing a novel, but is quite a bit if you’re doing a picture book! I like it better. One thing I did NOT do is take out some of the larger words, such as “annoyed,” “treasured,” or “addressed.” It is my intention for there to be a smattering (don’t you just love that word?? I do!) of larger words throughout the book. As a teacher, I want my kids to pick up new and interesting words with the same meanings of words they already know (yes, synonyms…). I tell you that, just so you know my intention when it comes to that. I have, however, removed a few of them and simplified just so that they are not so plentiful as they were. All of that being said…Here is Take Two!
Bella the Cow Who Wants Things Now
Early Reader Picture Book
“Please, Mama…,” Bella begged. “Please let me have one…”
“Bella,” her mother sighed. “Your father and I have already answered this question…”
“But Mama, Sara Beth has one, and she looks so pretty with her new, shiny cowbell. I want one too.”
“Bella, you are too young for a cowbell. We’ve already explained why to you. Sara Beth is older than you. Your neck is just not strong enough yet,” her mother replied.
“Yes it IS! I know I can handle it!” Bella replied, annoyed. How was she going to make her mother understand that she NEEDED a beautiful cowbell?
Mother Bovine sighed and said, “I’ll talk to your father about it one more time, but this will be the LAST time, Bella. Whatever he says is final. Do you understand?”
“Yes! Thanks Mama!”
The next afternoon, Mother and Papa Bovine sat Bella down for a heart-to-heart talk in her stall. Papa looked very serious as he addressed Bella.
“Your Mother has explained to me how badly you’d like a cowbell. You know I have concerns about the matter, but I’ve agreed to let you have one on one condition.”
“Anything Papa,” squealed Bella.
That is it for Bella’s saga for now…That is what I will be putting in Deana’s hands. I am also working on a YA novel but it is in it’s very early stages. It’s a dystopia based off of real historical events that have happened in other places around the world, but not here in America. Hopefully it never will, but it asks the question of “What if it did??” So, I’m going to post the first 200 words of it, but please remember it’s a first draft with just some edits that you are reading…Thanks!
Approx. 750000 when finished
Rory sighed as she walked into the bedroom. It looked desolate. Empty. Kind of like a hotel room that hasn’t been used in a while. You would never know her grandmother, Rebekah, had lived here just one week ago.
The phone call had been void of emotion. Her mother needed her to go through her grandmother’s closet. She had cleaned out the rest of the house, but the closet was too hard. It contained her grandmother’s scent in a concentrated form, but her mother could not handle it. The memories attached were too potent, too wonderful, and too painful. So, Rory received the phone call and ended up here in this moment, standing and looking at an empty room.
Walking across the room, Rory stood in front of the closet door. Her hand stopped just short of the doorknob, and she had to take a deep breath to steady herself. What was wrong with her? What was she afraid of finding? There was nothing in this closet except clothes and shoes, probably some purses and jewelry. Taking one more deep breath, Rory reached out again and twisted the doorknob. As the door creaked and opened, she was hit with an onslaught of her grandmother’s perfume, and the memories that accompanied it.
And there it is…for now. 🙂