…Almost a year since the last time I posted anything in here. There’s a reason for that, of course. I’m working my arse off. It leaves little time for my own creativity to move with my own words. And you would think that would devastate me. For most people, it would devastate them I think. But it doesn’t me. Not really. Some days are harder than others because I want to sit down with my poetry book, or my pictures books, or my “big girl” books and put all the words down, but I can’t. Time does not allow for it on a daily basis.
You want the truth? I’m okay with it. Truly.
I see the pitying looks that some of my creative compadres give me. Like they can’t imagine not getting to write, or paint, or play music and so they feel sorry for me. But this last year has been very eye-opening for me. I’ve realized something about me and my creative process, my purpose. I’m meant to create-yes. That has not changed, and it will not change. But what I create WITH looks different for me than what it looks like for others. And that is OK. I’ve never been the one to do anything the way people expect.
I get the blessing of working with others and their words and their creations on a daily basis, and my heart is full because of it. There are some days that I am overflowing with that blessing. I become overwhelmed with the goodness of getting to create and pour into others and their dreams. And then there are days that I get to sit in quiet and create with my own imagination, words, thoughts…whether it be at the computer, or at the piano, or with pictures and paint. You know what I’ve learned? All of it is good.
For me, any type of creating is good for my soul. Whether it be for others, or for my own sake, the act of creating is what matters for me. So when people give me that shifty-eyed, sad look, when they say “You should find time for the things that matter to you”, I have realized they don’t get it. And they probably won’t. Because my entire job, my livelihood, is doing things that matter to me. It’s all creating. And I’m good with that. I’m a storyteller no matter what. I’ve said it often-You cannot separate it where I am concerned.
I was asked today to ponder the question, “When you create, how do you want to feel?” And the only answer I keep coming back to is satisfied, full, complete. Once I realized that was my answer, I realized all of the above. I walk away most days feeling that way whether I’m “working” or “playing”. And that is the reality of getting to do your dreams for your job I think. Seriously-I’m blessed.